Friday, February 24, 2012

Separation Pains

My trip to Sai Baba's ashram was nothing short of amazing. Almost everyday I would sit at darshan time in prayer with so many questions and everyday Sai Baba, my divine fahter, answered all the questions, sometimes with long explanations, talking to me from the depths of my heart. As I sat and meditated I was immersed in the depths of peace or bliss within myself. I had for 20 days completely forgotten the experiences that I had had in Kuala Lumpur. I hadstopped feeling pain and the crying had stopped and replaced with LOVE and now PEACE. My heart was literally dancing in joy and I was in a state of ecstasy, I was laughing for no reason, and just about anything was capabale of tickling my sense of humour. I cannot say the same for when I returned to Kuala Lumpur.

I had just returned to Kuala Lumpur towards the end of August and I was beginning to feel a sense of unease. I called a a colleague who was working with the company where I worked before,she informed me that T was moving to the Singapore office ina week. At first I was glad because I thought finally all the craziness will stop. Yet again I had no idea what was about to happen.

About 2 or 3 days later I suddenly, started to feel intense pain and a pulling sensation in my heart centre. There was so much pain, it felt like my heart was being ripped apart. I was crying, moaning and groaning all at the same time with such intense pain. I kept thinking what is happening to me again, why is this happening again and as always I heard that voice within, "he is leaving, he is leaving, separation". I could not believe that this was the pain of separation. I wascrying fromthe depths of my soul. I had never felt this much of pain in being separated from anyone. I had never felt like my heart was being ripped apart. The pain was excruciating. I was in this pain and tears for almost 4 days, until the day T was leaving KL for Singapore. Until now, I had on many occassions doubted that T was my twin soul or that any of this had any connection to him. In the 2 weeks after he left, I started to feel betterand returning to myself. The pain started to subside, the tears stopped and peace and joy returned to my being. At that point in time it was an incredible feeling of freedom, like I has been cut loose, I felt relieved and could breathe again.

In early November, one day all the feelings started to gush back. I started to feel the pain in my chest againand I started to cry again. I was puzzled and confused why all the feelings were returning when T had already gone to Singapore. This is when I thought, "perhaps there is more to this". I went to see a doctor, he ran an ECG and checked my heart and said, "Its perfect, nothing to worry about". So what was this about? The pain and crying lasted for about 2 days.

About a week later, I went to the office to sort out osme outstanding matters and was sitting and chatting with a colleague, who then informed me that there were some changes in management and T had resigned and is returning to Canada. Then she mentioned that T had come to Malaysia the week before and was there for 2 days. I checked with her the exact dates, lo and behold it was the same days when I was experiencing the pains and crying again. Yet another confirmation, I knew for certain now this was a soul level connection. T returned to Canada shortly thereafter and I started to become more of myself as time passed.

One thing is for sure the experience was profound, transforming and very deep. I will never forget the experience and I will never forget this amazing and awesome albeit sometimes very painful connection that I have with another human being. Even though all that T wants to do is run away, ignore me and probably choose to forget my very existence, it's okay. In the words of a friend, "Its all good". I feel only LOVE for him.

This journey took me onto a path of self discovery and self realisation of the depths of LOVE, PEACE AND JOY within myself. It was journey of spiritual awakening, to realise LOVE is all that matters, that all of humanity is ONE, that what began with a search for a coonection with Godin an external journey culminated in an inward journey and to discovering a connection with God within. LOVE flooded my whole being, PEACE resided in the depths of my being and a fountain of JOY danced in my heart. I discovered and experienced unconditional Love.

To T, I wish him well, I pray he experienced a similar journey, which I am sure he did and I hope that someday he might forgive all my mistakes in my interactions with him, I was confused and did not know better. I did not realise he might have been going through the same pain as I and did not understand it either. I have felt the LOVE of our souls and LOVE we share at a soul level can only be described as DIVINE LOVE, unconditionel and pure.

7 comments:

  1. Nice to read your post Wonderful Soul.. I'm going through something similar and it's just so intense and confounding ..been reading up all I can on the internet to make sense of this ..
    I'm an Indian girl living in the US ..so that kind of makes us similar in many ways :)
    Let me know if you would like to connect and share ..there's very few people who understand this potent mix of spirituality and twin flame connections..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry for the delayed reply. Yes I would like to connect and share. Please let me know how we can chat.

      Delete
    2. Please send me an e-mail to alkavj@gmail.com

      Delete
    3. Hello Wonderful Soul
      Where do I start. Words fail short of explaining my last 2 plus years of journey since meeting my other half, but I know that you understand very well what meeting ones Twin Soul. Its been more than 2 years since he left me. My training is in science I took pride in thinking logically. Forget about believing in twin Soul, I didnt even believe in soul mates, until I met him. Since our physically separation my world has turned 180 degrees, what i thought i knew was alien to me, I thought that I was either gonna die from the gut wrentching pain in my heart or I would have check myself with professional. Thats when I started to research to find out that was happening to me and the answer that came to my heart one day that I that met my relflection, myself. and coinsidently thats also the time that I stumbled onto your blog around Sept 2011. I wailed the first time I read your blog, because there was someone atleast who under stood the insanity, the stabbing , ripping pain of my heart. So thank you Wonderful Soul for being there at my time of need and distress. even though you dont know me. For the first year I have shed tears , screamed with heart wrenching pain every possible moment, thought I had learned about UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and what it means to truly meet yourself. This after, I have lost my mother and other loved ones rapidly to cancer. Maybe I have never felt such stabbing pain even at the loss of my near and dear ones . It has been quite a ride into knowing MYSELF. I think I can write pages about my experience, and anyones who probaly hasn't experienced their twin will declare me insane. Hell, I myself believe that I am crazy, pining over someone who never cared about me, walked away conveniently but then again I know what I have felt. These day, I still shed tears . Sometimes there is so much pain in my heart thats i hard to take a breath, then I try to send him love and the pain calms down. I will deny that sometimes I will I just could rip my heart out and put aside . Lately I have been having more of these stabbing pain in my heart where I am waking up in the morning crying and missing him insanely. i know in your blog you talked bout pain of the heart when your TF was near by. I am curious what that means. Just for FYI , my twin and I live in 1500 miles apart, I live in east coast US and he is in the midwest. Is there any way you and I could talk? I just need some answers. Maybe you might be able to help me again, I can only hope

      Thanks again

      With warm regards
      metmysoul

      Delete
    4. Hi metmysoul,

      I totally understand what you are going through and as much as it might feel that this will not go away, please believe that this will pass and divine love and joy will fill your heart and being and ALL the pain you are feeling is just to resolve past issues, so it will go away, you just have to cry when you have to cry and have faith. The pain usually subsides very quickly when the twin and you are separated by a body of water like the ocean. For you, being on the same land though 1500 miles apart is not helping. You are also feeling his pain and resolving his issues. As the woman, your emotional body will bear the pain for both of you. He will bear the mental agony. Unfortunately women bear more pain than the men for some reason. Meditation really helps to calm the emotional body. I know what you mean about feeling crazy and not having anyone who understands, I felt exactly the same way. You are not alone, trust your inner guide and intuition, you will receive a lot of guidance. As much as this may seem like it is about a guy ie twin soul, it is far more than that. You are getting to know and realising your own innate divine self. You are finding God within you. The journey is an inward journey of LOVE and self realisation, so keep asking yourself, who am I? You will soon discover that only love is real and true. All of creation is held together by the glue of love and your job is to share and spread light and love. You have a divine purpose and that is to anchor love and light on earth. Because of you and so many twin soul connections this earth will experience tremendous transformation of love and light. You will find yourself transformed by this experience and your ego will simply fall away and give way to love, so don't fight it, just allow it to flow through you. Love, Wonderful soul.

      Delete
    5. Thank you wonderful soul for your answer
      Metmysoul

      Delete
  2. Thank you profoundly for taking the time to share your twin soul experience. I found your narration that was rich in sensuous detail very insightful. It has greatly illuminated my own impressions and curious events in my life. It was so comforting to get to delve into another person's perspective and find profound similarities.
    Many blessings to you on your wonderful soul journey.
    Also wishing much light and peace to Metmysoul
    *Janka*

    ReplyDelete